|Cubs Coaches 1966- Whitey Lockman #5, Verlon Walker #4, Freddie Fitzsimmons #3, Leo Durocher #2|
I have always yearned for more from him (more wisdom, more insight, more advice, more approval) Since starting this journey I have received many letters. A good portion of them thanking me for the motivation to record themselves or a loved one as part of a legacy. It had never occurred to them before. Many people end up clinging to 10 year old voice mail messages as the only recording. Which got me thinking.....what would I want my sons to know? How would I leave my voice behind?
I went to work on a list. "Things" I would want to tell them in person if I had a chance. I do have the luxury of time, so I told them. Then I made a recording. As they grew older and when I'm gone, they will hear my words in my voice.
To My Beautiful Boys: If I die tomorrow this is what I want you to know
1. Be on time, return phone calls, send handwritten notes.
2. Vegan is code for "control issues". If you're Bill Clinton or a Buddhist monk then you can be a vegan because someone else is shopping, chopping and preparing for you. Everyday folks can't adhere to such rigid food practices.When someone tells you they are Vegan--watch yourself.
3. Be kind to everyone. We are all facing demons and fighting battles.
4. That voice deep inside you--that gut feeling--follow it always.
5. People generally don't do things TO you, they do things FOR themselves. Try not to take it personally and move on.
6. Before getting married visit the family because you will be dealing with them for the rest of your life.
7. People won't always tell you the truth, but they will show you the "truth" through their actions. When they show you, BELIEVE them.
8. Stay clear of anyone who cites the writings of Ayn Rand as being influential--especially Atlas Shrugged. They are selfish.
10. You will never wake up in the morning and declare "I wish I was hung over. Too bad I didn't get drunk last night". So don't drink too much, take drugs, or smoke. You will pay for it in a big way later. It's not worth it. It is never as fun as the commercials make it look.
11. Be bold and brave. Try and fail and forgive yourself when you fail. Everyone makes mistakes no matter what they tell you or how polished they look from the outside.
12. Enjoy your life. As soon as one worry pulls away another will be ready to pull in (like trucks at a loading dock). Enjoy right where you are--each moment.
13. If you need advice about girls ask your god mother or one of my girlfriends. Boys giving other boys advice about women = the blind leading the blind. Trust me--you don't understand that world of physiological warfare.
14. Some of the biggest battles you will fight will be with yourself. Ask for help and talk it out.
15. Random acts of kindness will heal your soul. When you are troubled or worried do something for another person just because you can.
16. If you meet someone that has NO friends from the past--that's a red flag. Chances are they live life super intense and burn bridges. They will probably be rather charismatic. There is a reason nobody from the past is around. PS--You can't fix that or them! Exit gracefully.
17. "There is a higher power and your aren't it" (a wise woman use to tell me that). Ask for guidance and listen quietly. That small meditation will connect you to something deeper and give you ground.
18, If you get the chance--travel. See the world. It will grant you perspective.
19. Money will come and go. Don't let it define you or anyone else.
20 Life will bring you lessons. If you don't learn them the first time, they will come up over and over again. Learn the darn lesson.
21. Resistance to change is what causes the MOST suffering. Change is part of life, you don't have to like it but you need accept it.
22. Cry. Real men cry. It is a normal reaction to sadness. If you don't cry out all the tears they stay inside you and make you sick and angry.
23. Revenge is like "drinking poison hoping the other person will die". It makes you feel bad and keeps you in a self imposed prison. Let it go--let yourself go.
24. By definition, a relationship is a "connection". If you are in a relationship/ friendship with someone whose primary focus is them (where they want to eat, how they feel, what they like and don't like) they aren't connecting or relating to you. This union will suck the life out of you. Send them on their way. Give them up.
25. You will be afraid and you will get lonely. Know deep in your heart that you came in this world deeply loved by me and daddy and nothing can change that. Your soul is twice blessed.
26. Practice gratitude everyday. This is the key to consistent happiness. I have tried literally everything else. Gratitude always works.
27. Breathe (in through your nose-out through your mouth). Seems too simple but is quite often the only thing you need to do.
28. If you find yourself on the "crazy train" jump off. The landing is painful but well worth it. As a side note...everyone takes a turn on some version of the "crazy train". It looks fun--- IS fun until it starts to make you sick.
29. Education is important. Smart is sexy. Always be eager to learn from people, books, classes, situations and mistakes.
30. Be honest and authentic. Love yourself-- flaws and all. Actually, I have always found imperfection to be much more appealing.
31. Multi-tasking is overrated. Focus on one thing at a time
32. Taking and sending naked pictures of yourself is never a good idea. NEVER.
33. You have my approval. Waste no more time on that. I love you deeply and am your biggest fan-no matter what.
34. I loved every minute I spent with you. I remember it all. You were all I ever wanted. God blessed me as your guide and when you came through me it changed my life in the most magnificent way. I always felt lucky to be your mom. It was a great pleasure (even the yucky stuff).
I encourage you to compile a legacy list and record yourself reading it.Take advantage of the digital age. Let's start a movement! The "legacy list" movement.
Here are the rules..... simply write down what you want the people in your life to know. Don't sweat the grammar, punctuation or spelling.... just get it on paper. Record yourself so your wisdom is captured in your accent, using your turn of phrase and cadence.
Trust me....it will bring someone great comfort one day.